Something Real
by chellynaeb
Summary: Clarice frets afterwards about her kiss with John, while John berates himself for coming down so hard on her.


The Hellfire Club might have changed everything for the Mutant Underground, but for John and her, it was that kiss.

Yup, she sighed inwardly. That damn kiss. The one they still hadn't talked about. The one where he had stood there with those soft brown eyes of his, filled with the most incredible mix of sincerity, acceptance and _something more_. All for her. It had been a long while since he had looked at her that way, at least not since the moment they'd shared in the warehouse. So she had told herself, "screw it Clarice, it's now or never", before reaching for him.

She had expected him to push her away and a light rebuff to follow. They were in the middle of an important mission, and they had agreed to put whatever was between them aside for now. But what she didn't expect was that John actually kissed her back. For the briefest of moments, everything - the mission, the fight, the Hellfire Club - fell away, as John leaned into her and brought her closer with his hands. Now she knew that his lips felt as soft as they always looked. She finally had a real memory she could call her own, one which she and John had created together - without Sonya.

The thought of Sonya made her inhale sharply. John had been in a lot of pain after Sonya's funeral, so she thought it best to give him the space he needed to mourn her on his own, even when all she wanted to do was comfort him however she could. Was what she had done fine? Would Sonya forgive her for it? Would John?

Now this man had his strong arms firmly wrapped around her from behind as he snored lightly into her hair. The Mutant Underground had bedded down for the night, but with not enough sleeping bags and blankets to go around, she had asked John if he wanted to share one. He nodded wearily with a brief hint of a smile. It had been one hell of an exhausting day for everyone, and she didn't have it in her heart to leave John's side tonight anyway. Even in his sleep and out of the line of fire, he still tried to keep her safe, just like he did back at the convention centre. As bulletproof as he was, she felt for the first time like those walls which John built around himself were coming down around her brick by brick.

"I can hear you thinking, you know", John murmured sleepily with a hint of amusement, while shifting his weight against her. They fit against each other so easily, she thought, as her heart warmed to the sound of his voice. "Sorry to wake you with my thoughts", she replied dryly. "Everything alright?" She turned in his arms to face him, brushing back an errant lock of his hair.

"Should we… you know… talk about whatever this is?", she gestured between them.

"Hey I'm not the one who asked to share a sleeping bag and also if I recall correctly, you kissed me first", he teased her quietly. There were those brown eyes again, this time lit up by moonlight, fire and _something more_.

She was glad it was dark because she felt her cheeks turn warm.

He felt like the world's greatest jackass throughout the drive to the convention centre.

After what Clarice did back there with the Frost sisters, after all she did so far for the Mutant Underground, that's how you treat her, Proudstar? John gritted his teeth hard as he parked the car. Earlier when she had come clean about her past with the Brotherhood, it hurt him more than he thought it would. They were in the middle of a war, and had lost so much. But if there was one thing life in the Marines had taught him, it was that people can change and what mattered was who they were right now. He had done things he wasn't proud of in the past too, so who was he to come down so hard on her like that?

Yeah, definitely a jackass.

He had expected Clarice to shrug off his apology with one of her sarcastic quips, like how she didn't sign up to be a mutant so she didn't have much of a choice. But what he didn't expect was for those beautiful green eyes to flood with the most incredible mix of warmth, gratitude and _something more_. He let out a breath he didn't realise he had been holding in. The last thing he wanted was for her to leave again.

But then she reached for him and God help him, he had wanted to kiss her ever since that moment they'd shared in the warehouse. He had taken the easy way out and told her it was complicated when she asked. But the truth he had been unwilling to admit for the longest time was that he cared far too much for this strong-willed woman who built walls around herself, just like he did.

"Now, that felt real." As real as his feelings for her were, John realised, still tasting the sweetness of her lips on his.

Now he breathed in the scent of her purple hair as he wrapped her tightly around him in the sleeping bag they shared. The day had been a gruelling one with the loss of the headquarters and their friends, but Clarice had never left his side throughout it all and he didn't want her to either. Back at the convention centre, he had felt the most absolute fear when he realised she was in the line of fire. Since then, they had kept each other close, reaching for each other in times of danger or comfort.

As exhausted as he was, he awoke to the change of her breathing and didn't need his tracking abilities to sense that there was something on her mind. She turned to face him and there were those breathtaking green eyes again, reflecting moonlight, fire and _something more_.

"Yeah, about that. John, I…", Clarice stuttered.  
"Did you mean what you said? About it feeling real?"  
"…I did."

For the briefest of moments, an unfamiliar warmth spread through his chest at her answer. Between them still lay the memory of Sonya, but he had spent enough time running and hiding from his feelings for Clarice. Like she said, they needed to stop worrying about why they felt what they felt - for each other.

"Good. Here's my answer to that", John smiled as he leaned over to kiss her this time.

Everything had changed and the days ahead for the Mutant Underground would be difficult. But here was something much more John could hold on to. Here with Clarice was _something real_.


End file.
